Monday, May 24, 2010

Anxious

It's a big week in my little cancer bubble. Now that I am half way through chemotherapy, I am scheduled to have a CT scan tomorrow. The scan, like those I've done before, takes pictures of my insides to see if there is any cancer growing. Unlike the ones before, however, tomorrow's test will answer our most important question: Is the chemo working? We don't really expect to see any cancer--after all, I just had all visible cancer surgically removed a few months ago. But before we can forge ahead, Dr. M has to know what's really going on inside.

To say that I am anxious about the scan would be an understatement. The last one I had was in January, when I had two tumors growing in my abdominal cavity. The images revealed elevated fluid levels, but no shadows of those tumors. My confidence in the technology significantly deflated at that time--and now this is what we are depending on to give an accurate picture of what's going on in my body? I am uncomfortable, to say the least.

But I have confidence in my doctor, and even greater confidence in my God. Even on that day in January, before I knew what was happening, He was with me. He was in the room with Hubby and me on February 17th when the devastating diagnosis brought our world to a screeching halt. He was with me on the first day of chemo, and He was there when my hair started to fall out. God saw my tears fall yesterday as I watched my three babies playing and wondered if I would live long enough to watch them grow to be men. He knows that I am scared, but that doesn't change the way He feels about me. And as for me? I don't understand why He does what He does, but I know without a doubt that He is good.

On Thursday, Hubby and I, along with my parents, will meet with Dr. M to get the test results and confirm the course of action for the next few months. I am so thankful for the prayers and petitions you are lifting up on my behalf; this week, would you join me in praying these things?
*minimal physical discomfort
*calmness of spirit, mind, and body
*crystal clear images that reveal exactly what needs to be seen
*positive results
*safe travel for my mom and dad

"You are good, and what you do is good." Psalm 119:68



11 comments:

Lisa Buffaloe said...

My prayers are with you, Allyson.

Gentle hugs and tender prayers,
Lisa

Amy said...

Praying, Allyson! We need to make it to Antarctica soon! :)

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wilsonfamily said...

"When God's People Pray"

Trouble knockin' on your window pane,
Stormy weather at your door.
And the outlook for the day ahead like the day before.

People tell you prayin' changes things,
But the words don't stop the fear.
The prayer is only pious repelling without a Father's ear.

He will not turn away when His people pray.

When God's people pray,
and take the pains of earth to the doors of heaven.
When God's people pray,
there is hope reborn, there is sin forgiven.
And merely 'cos you can't explain a way.
When God' people pray...

Hopeless situation turns around, dilema passes by and by.
Look, there's a never-ending field of blue!,
past your clouded sky.

He alone can know the need in me before a single word begins;
The Holy Spirit intercedes for me.
I will trust in Him!"



God's people are praying. We love you!!!

Anonymous said...

Allison, we are praying for you and your precious family.
Carla Arriola

Jennifer said...

I am praying, Allyson. You are on my mind constantly. I praise God for your testimony. In your pain and anguish, you exalt Him. God is holding you in the palm of His hands.

Beautiful song!

theabevigoda said...

Praying for you constantly. Oh, and I see you like mystery novels. I'll ship you some of my Raymond Chandler's or Dashiell Hammett's if you'd like :-). Miss you, love you, cousin!

brett_gibson said...

Know that your Waco family is praying often for you and your wonderful family. I thought of you as I read Mark 6.30-44 today. He will lead you--in the midst of your wilderness (6.32)--to green grass (6.39) and feed you (6.42) today. Peace and hope to you. Brett, Christina, Ellia, and Olive

Melynda said...

Praying for you, honey!

Anonymous said...

I'm praying - thanks for the specific list of prayer requests. I'm on the case!
Betty H

Anonymous said...

Praying for you today - this is the toughest time - not knowing, waiting anxiously. God loves you and so do I!
Betty H