Saturday, January 28, 2012

Bullet Briefing

*Blogging has taken a backseat on my priority list lately. These bullet points are all I can muster, I'm afraid.

*A 36-hour trip to Houston last week resulted in clean scans. The anxiety leading up to that trip can not be accurately described except to tell you that I was popping Xanax like candy. The relief I felt after the trip is equally indescribable.

*I flew Southwest for my trip. Not only was I "randomly selected" for extra security measures (read: You might be a terrorist, so we are going to humiliate you in front of hundreds of strangers.), but one of my shoes fell out of the bin when it went through the x-ray machine. While standing on one foot so as not to contaminate my bare foot, I summoned an officer for help. She had to stop the conveyor belt, hold up the line, and climb up on to the belt to retrieve my missing shoe.

*God gave me this verse on the day I went to M.D. Anderson: "You, O Lord, are a shield around me. You are my glory, and the lifter of my head." Psalm 3:3

*While I was lying on the table during my test, trying not to freak out, I was reciting that verse over and over to myself. Halfway through the test, the little tech man entered the room and said to me, "You're doing great. Now for the next part I need to put this shield over you." I started to cry. He looked puzzled, and I suppose he thought I didn't understand. He said, "It's okay, ma'am. The shield is for protection." I know, sir. I know.

*I had several hours to kill between tests, so my mom and I left the hospital and went over to Hermann Park to ride the train. It's been 20+ years since I did that! I loved it just as much as a grown woman as I did when I was a little girl.

*My dad comes to M.D. Anderson when I meet with my doctor to get test results. In the absence of my Hubby, who is home taking care of our cowboys, I feel very safe. It takes a good man to sit in the gynecological oncology waiting room.

*Our Sunday School class came over to our house last weekend and we played Headbanz. Just because it says "5 and up" on the box doesn't mean adults can't play.

*Some people look more foolish than others wearing Headbanz cards on their heads.

*I am learning how to play Mexican train. Hubby has never played before in his life, and when we played with friends, he won. I don't know how he pulled that off.

*Baby read "Goodnight, Moon" to me at bedtime the other night. It made me cry.

*Baby read "Old Hat, New Hat" to me last night. He wants to practice so he can take it to school and read it in front of his class.

*The boys now have assigned seats in my car. They drive me crazy sometimes.

*I thought it would be nice of me to volunteer to take a turn hosting Little Middle's cub scout den meeting. Two things I have to say about that: the den leaders are saints, and we will probably never do it again.

*As soon as the last scout was out the door, I put on my slippers and went next door for a girls' night in. My darling neighbor was generous with her wine and her company, and I immediately felt better. Especially when I saw that her refrigerator AND her stove were in her living room due to kitchen remodeling. It's the only time that my house will ever be tidier than hers.

*Baby is sitting next to me right now singing "Dynamite."

*Little Middle raced a car in his first pinewood derby. It didn't go that well. :(

*I bought my unborn niece her first pair of shoes today and a bib that says "I Love My Auntie." Indeed she will.

*My mom, my sister, my SIL, and I are planning a girls' trip for the first part of Spring Break. Can. Not. Wait.

*I miss my grandparents.

*My co-teacher and I hosted a "Pre-K Preview" day last week in our classroom for parents who are considering sending their children to us next year. All things considered, I think it went well.

*Cotton candy was invented in 1904 and used to be called fairy floss. Thank you, Food Network.

*Hubby plays Words With Friends with my aunt, and he is in awe of her WWF skillz.

*My dad and my uncle are going to the Master's. I am so happy for my daddy, because he will get to check something off of his bucket list.

*I think I really want to see "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close." Then again, I am a little scared to see it.

*The boys and I watch "Call of the Wildman" every week together. If you haven't seen it, you should catch it on Animal Planet. There is nothing more backwoods than the Turtle Man.

*I am learning that I can't protect the people I love from other people who might hurt them, and that hurts me.

*Some mornings I play Phil Joel's "Good Morning" to wake the boys up for school. One morning, Little Middle rolled over and growled at me, "I would rather put SCISSORS in my EARS than listen to you sing this song to me!!!!" Every time I think of him saying that, I giggle.

*Last weekend Goliath cleaned out my car, including vacuuming. Five days later, I spilled a whole cup of coffee in there and had to get the upholstery professionally cleaned.

*I have had fun lately downloading new fonts to use with my Word documents. So nerdy.

*I think about what it would be like if I die. Not for me, but for my family. I go back and forth on whether I would want Hubby to remarry. I certainly want him--all of them--to be happy, but I don't like the thought that I could be replaced.

*I am an emotional eater.

*My bed is the most comfy place in the whole world.

*I got tall black boots for Christmas, and I love them!

*Someone told me the other day that I am well-dressed. I don't know about that, but I appreciated the compliment.

*Hubby changed his ringer on his phone. Now when I call him, his phone plays "Pretty Woman." Aw.

*Sometimes I listen to the song "How He Loves Us" by the David Crowder Band, and I am overwhelmed. If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Family Photo Shoot

Me and all my guys.

Brothers! This is my favorite picture of the three of them EVER.

I'm proud of the house we've built.

Goliath, age 10

Little Middle, age 7

Baby, age 6

*Credit for making the five of us look better than what we are goes to my friend PandaMom. Her talent and creativity gave me these treasures!*

Monday, January 2, 2012

Goliath Turns 10

Dear Goliath,

You are double digits today! Ten years ago today, my dream came true when I became a mommy. When the nurse handed me that sweet blue bundle with the gloworm eyes, I literally stopped breathing for a moment. I will never forget that as I held you for the first time, it was as if time stood still. It was just you and me. You looked so intently at me I felt as if I were being interviewed for the job of being your mother. The commotion of the medical staff and even our excited family became background noise as the two of us got to know each other. We were made to be together, you know...

And now, ten years later, here we are. We live just a few miles from that hospital where you gave me the most important job of my life. Every time we drive by there, I remember January 2, 2002, and how much richer I was after I left there than when I went in.

You, my boy, are an adventure. My life has changed in every possible way since you entered it on that wonderful day, and yet I feel as if we have always been together. I think that's the way God made moms and their sons to feel. Being your mom is like riding a tall, fast loop-to-loop roller coaster--the kind that makes you laugh out loud even though you're terrified of what comes next. You make me laugh. Oh Lordy--don't we laugh a lot? Just last night when I was trying to have a conversation with your brother about New Year's resolutions, you popped in and said, "I thought a resolution was a kind of war." And then you popped back out of the room, and left me and your dad snorting with laughter. You crack me up when you assign made-up statistics to everything--like "How many people in the world believe in God? Probably about 52%, right, Mom?" and other random, less-meaningful "facts." You make me laugh when you try to act like you're asleep, because I know that as soon as I tickle your armpits you are going to jump out of bed and try to get away.

Mothering is not for the faint of heart. No, sir. You showed me more than once this year that I need to step it up in the bravery department because you are NOT such a little boy anymore. This summer you went off to camp with Nana's church, quite happily, I might add. You and Jacob never looked back, even as Ms. Lisa and I were calling for just one more hug. How did we get to a place where you can go away for a week and not need me?!? And what about that jiu jitsu tournament? I'm glad you were so focused on your fight, because then you couldn't see me alternately biting my fingernails and jumping up and down like a crazed maniac. I could hardly stand to see my baby out there...but I sure did love the smile on my baby's face with that big medal around his neck!

In fact, if anyone around here is brave, it's you. Remember the first day of 4th grade? I honestly didn't know if I could leave you in that new school that day because my heart hurt so much. But you put on the bravest smile I've ever seen and reported back that your day was great! I know you worry about a lot of things--you're like me in that way, I'm afraid--but you always try your best in spite of your fear.

We have a ton of fun together, but you also manage to strike fear in my heart more than any other person (although your two brothers are right behind you). When you were just a sweet blue bundle, I felt a heavy weight of responsibility to care for you. I still feel that, just in a different way. You don't need me to feed you or dress you anymore, but at age 10, things are a'changin'. You seem to think that you are much more grown-up than you really are. (Tell me again why you think you need a cell phone?!?) Do your old mom this favor: Let me help you. Let's talk about stuff, OK? Let me protect you and fight for you and struggle through long division with you. You're not a teenager yet, so don't act like one. Ask the hard (or embarrassing) questions, and expect honest answers. Accept other ideas and even criticism when it is delivered with love--and you know it always is. It is my job to make sure that you have all the tools you need to be the best you that God created you to be, and He created you to be AMAZING.

On the night of January 2, 2002, when it was just you, Daddy, and me in that hospital room, my heart was so full of joy that I thought I could burst. Today I feel that same way. You are my joy boy. I love you with everything that I am. Happy Birthday, Buddy.