Friday, August 27, 2010

About the Hair

I woke up at 4:04 this morning and the first thing that popped into my head was that I should probably say something about my hair on the blog. I couldn't go back to sleep, so here I am.

It is still very hard for me to talk about my hair, but I am committed to being an open book. Here goes: It's no secret that chemotherapy took my hair. I have been bald since April. Around the house I usually wear a hat or a scarf, but the deal I made with my little cowboys was that I would always wear my "pretend hair" when we go out. Always. And I have stuck to that promise (except for that one unfortunate day when we were on the way to the swimming pool and I had to make a desperate run into Walgreens, so I sacrificed my dignity and went in wearing my swimsuit under a coverup and my straw pool hat).

Chemo took the hair on my head a long time ago. What you may not know is that more recently, it took my eyebrows and my eyelashes. To be exact, it stole my eyebrow. One. The only thing dorkier than walking around with no eyebrows is walking around with only one. I grieved the loss of that rarely-thought-about hair on my face almost as much as I mourned the hair on my head. At least I can cover up my head; losing my eyebrow and eyelashes made me look sick.

In the six weeks since Chemo #6, I have noticed that my hair is trying its best to make a comeback. Hubby says my head looks like a baby's--the hair is very fine and sticks straight up. I also shaved my legs this week for the first time in I don't know when! There is still no sign of the eyebrow growing back, but if you look at my eyes really closely (mostly from a side view) you might see the teeny tiny little eyelashes that are growing. They are still way too small to put mascara on, though. I tried yesterday, and all that got me was a makeup MESS all over my face.

So what next? Taxol is the drug responsible for my hair loss, and it is the drug that I will continue to take during maintenance chemo. Yes, it will be a much smaller dose than what I had before, but still! I asked Nurse Michelle about it, and she said that I can expect continued hair growth, but the Taxol will slow it down considerably. Also, any new hair that grows will probably be thin and brittle. Great.

Mom and I visited Survivor Gals this week to see about getting a replacement wig. Even if I wasn't going back on Taxol, it will still be a long time before my hair grows enough for me to be comfortable to go without my pretend hair. Mom and our wig expert Kathy encouraged me to try a new style. Change just is not my friend. In the end, I ordered new hair that is exactly like my old hair...but I changed the color slightly. If you see me in a few weeks parading around with my blonder color and chunkier highlights, please tell me you love my hair. Even if you don't. It will make me feel good if you make it believable. (Wink.)

Also, if you see me, don't look too closely at my one eyebrow. I learned some makeup tricks, but Lord knows I'm no Bobbi Brown.
Mom bought me this button at SG. Right now it is pinned to the outside of my makeup bag. I think I will use a Sharpie marker and cross out the "S" on the end of "eyebrows." Then I will wear it, maybe not proudly, but at least with a blossoming sense of humor.


Kandice said...

Man..I just love your sense of humor!!! Too bad they don't make eyebrow "wigs"...and I love the pin!!!

That Guy said...

Just don't use the Sharpie for your eyebrow!

Sharon said...

Oh my gosh, you make me laugh! I have been thinking about sending you some hairdos I made for Jayci and this seals the deal. You will have some new hairdos for your new hairdo soon. Email me your address when you get a chance.

Love you girl. Keep laughing! even if it's 4:04 in the am. It's 2 o'clock here but I might be up to pee. Never know!

Stacie said...

So glad you can try to laugh at it all. I remember when my little guy was down to 2 or 3 eyelashes. It was heartbreaking to watch happen. You just never understand how much those things frame a face until they are gone.

Praying that your hair grows back in better than it was before chemo. And I pray that God continues to give you grace as you wait for it to return.

God bless you!

Much love,
Stacie Smith
Mommy to Gavin (AT/RT Survivor)

Michelle Burleson said...

I LOVE YOUR HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

(And I love you more, my friend)