Friday, July 9, 2010

The Night Before

My sister is getting married tomorrow. She is happy, and I could not be happier for her.

But tonight I cried.

We got our nails done. We went to the bridal luncheon. We had the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. She absolutely glows with excitement and happiness. I am thrilled for her!

But I still cried. I cried because I am tired. I cried because things will never be quite the same and I hate change...even the good kind. I cried because I remember the night before my own wedding day, and I wish I would try harder to recapture that feeling. I cried because my eyelashes are falling out, courtesy of chemotherapy. Because everyone keeps saying how much Jenny and I look alike, and I'm proud because I know it is true. Because I want to be healthy and whole, but I'm afraid that might never happen. Because not everyone has what I have, and I am grateful. Because my heart is full of love, and hurt, and longing, and more love.

When I wake up tomorrow, it will be Jenny's wedding day. I know I will never forget tomorrow...but I don't want to forget tonight, either.

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

Praying for you! God's mercies are new every day!

Mom said...

I am so proud of both of my daughters. And so thankful that you are both sheltered in God's loving arms.

bhayes11 said...

Oh, I hurt for you. I am so sorry you have to go through this. The good thing is you are almost done with that bad old chemo stuff. Hang in there and know that I still pray for you.

I know the wedding must have been beautiful - hopefully you can get some rest now.

Lisa Buffaloe said...

Oh sweet one, I continue to lift you up to our Heavenly Father for comfort, peace, and healing.