My sister is getting married tomorrow. She is happy, and I could not be happier for her.
But tonight I cried.
We got our nails done. We went to the bridal luncheon. We had the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. She absolutely glows with excitement and happiness. I am thrilled for her!
But I still cried. I cried because I am tired. I cried because things will never be quite the same and I hate change...even the good kind. I cried because I remember the night before my own wedding day, and I wish I would try harder to recapture that feeling. I cried because my eyelashes are falling out, courtesy of chemotherapy. Because everyone keeps saying how much Jenny and I look alike, and I'm proud because I know it is true. Because I want to be healthy and whole, but I'm afraid that might never happen. Because not everyone has what I have, and I am grateful. Because my heart is full of love, and hurt, and longing, and more love.
When I wake up tomorrow, it will be Jenny's wedding day. I know I will never forget tomorrow...but I don't want to forget tonight, either.
But tonight I cried.
We got our nails done. We went to the bridal luncheon. We had the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. She absolutely glows with excitement and happiness. I am thrilled for her!
But I still cried. I cried because I am tired. I cried because things will never be quite the same and I hate change...even the good kind. I cried because I remember the night before my own wedding day, and I wish I would try harder to recapture that feeling. I cried because my eyelashes are falling out, courtesy of chemotherapy. Because everyone keeps saying how much Jenny and I look alike, and I'm proud because I know it is true. Because I want to be healthy and whole, but I'm afraid that might never happen. Because not everyone has what I have, and I am grateful. Because my heart is full of love, and hurt, and longing, and more love.
When I wake up tomorrow, it will be Jenny's wedding day. I know I will never forget tomorrow...but I don't want to forget tonight, either.
4 comments:
Praying for you! God's mercies are new every day!
I am so proud of both of my daughters. And so thankful that you are both sheltered in God's loving arms.
Oh, I hurt for you. I am so sorry you have to go through this. The good thing is you are almost done with that bad old chemo stuff. Hang in there and know that I still pray for you.
I know the wedding must have been beautiful - hopefully you can get some rest now.
Oh sweet one, I continue to lift you up to our Heavenly Father for comfort, peace, and healing.
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