Tuesday, June 25, 2013

High and Stormy Gale

Early this morning we dropped the cowboys off with a friend so they could go to VBS and we nervously fought rush hour traffic to get to Dr. F's office.
 
We had every reason to be anxious.
 
I had a CT scan on Friday.  The scan shows at least four new tumors that have developed since April.  The existing masses are enlarged, and there is some growth into lymph nodes.
 
Four new tumors.
Three little cowboys.

When darkness veils His lovely face I rest on His unchanging grace.

There are two choices: 

1)  Surgery.
Further examination led Dr. F to solemnly tell us that surgery would be difficult.  The tumors are growing at such a rapid rate that they are jam-packed in my body.  He believes that there are parts that are even attached to bone.  Surgery would require a 2-week hospital stay, followed by a lengthy recovery at home.  The result would mean a huge lifestyle change for me, and there is no guarantee that such an operation would be successful in eradicating Monster.

2)  Nothing.
I can continue as I am, treating the pain and other symptoms as they come along with medication.

In every high and stormy gale my anchor holds within the veil.
 
Neither seems like a good option to me.  I don't even have a backup plan anymore, as my team at M.D. Anderson has done everything they can do for me.  Dr. F suggested that I might consider making a trip to New York to Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital, to seek any resources that might not be at our disposal here in Texas.  Part of me thinks that is a great idea!  Part of me thinks that if I didn't get it at MDA, I won't get it at MSK.  And a third, hidden, terrible part of me wants to stick out her tongue and stamp her foot at the very idea that her first trip to New York City would be on Monster's behalf!  Really...the nerve!!!
 
His oath, His covenant, His blood, support me in the whelming flood.
 
This isn't just a little summer shower of "oh, drat".  This is a full-fledged, gale-force, torrential deluge of "DAMN IT!!!"  This is a monstrosity of a storm.  These are rising flood waters that threaten everything I hold dear.  This squall refuses to be quieted or calmed.  This is my life.
 
When all around my soul gives way He then is all my hope and stay.
 
All around me today everything fell apart...again.  I went into that little room not even expecting a miracle.  I had only hoped that Monster might have just been contained for the last few months.  To find out that he is growing faster than Little Middle (who is eating us out of house and home, by the way) was like taking a sucker punch to the gut. 
 
But God.
 
...So loved Allyson that He gave His only son.  So that no matter what I come across in this broken old world:  heartache, loss, sickness, fear--I have hope. 
 
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.


 
 




123 comments:

Julia said...

I love you, my friend. No other words than that.

Leah said...

Love..a deep abiding love. And hate... burning, fierce. One for you. One for Monster.

Anonymous said...

Praying always for you and your family! E live you! The Witt family.

Bobbi Jo said...

No words will suffice. Sure wish I was close enough to hug you and cry with you. Not a day goes by that I don't pray for you and think about you...this is the day that the Lord has made for YOU, we will rejoice and be glad in it...no matter what!! I love you friend.

Lorene Young said...

It has been a long time since "the self proclaimed smartest girls in the whole wide world" hung out together at my house or sat out in the car and ate chocolate chip cookie dough together. What wonderful times those were. I claimed you then as my "other daughter ". My heart breaks for you. You don't deserve all you are going through, but God has a plan that we can't understand. As much as I scream and cry against the monster, I know that God has chosen you to bless many with your story. Thank you for being so transparent. I'm not giving up on a miracle. That would bring such glory to God. Please know how much all of the Young family loves you and still claims you as a part of our family. You are a blessing and you are blessed. Ms Lorene

Mike K said...

I have followed your journey since Phil first told me and you always amaze me. Your faith will always live to show that you trusted in the Masters Hand. I lift you up each day along with your boys and rest of the family as you continue to fight this Monster.

The Horton Family said...

Love you Al.

Christy said...

I've only just started following your journey. My sister in law Jenny Kress posted your blog, so please forgive me if you've already tried, but have you been introduced to Young Living oils or breast milk therapy for treatment yet? Please feel free to email me! Capturedbychristy@me.com Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Allyson for the incredible fairh you display as you share your journey with us. Praying praying praying.

David Mathews said...

Allyson, Praying for you. Thank you for sharing this journey with all of us!

Anonymous said...

Allyson, you are touching lives of people you don't even know. You have touched mine. Praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Wish I had the words. I am praying for all of you. Love! Griz

Anonymous said...

Heartbreaking.

Anonymous said...

Praying for monsters to be defeated, cowboys to be comforted, and a transparent young woman hanging on to what the Word of God promises. I'm humbled that I even get to witness your faith, even when it is dark, and frightening. I have never had cancer, but I have experienced death and survived. There is no fear at that time. You have complete confidence in a God who will carry on for your family. And the peace is....just can't describe it. It swallows you and all of your own support and strength disappear into His. The Anchor holds..

Anonymous said...

Lifting your name to the Father and asking for a miracle.

Liz Smith said...

www.burzynskiclinic.com
Allyson, if I were battling monster again, this is where I would go. It is gene therapy, and his specialty is late-stage cancer. Many go there after exhausting all other areas, including MD Anderson. It's in Houston, but from what I can tell, you can submit your labs/scans and ask for an evaluation before a visit. It's closer than New York, and it may be better. From what I can tell, this is definitely my route. You are loved and prayed for all the time. So glad to know you, and big thanks for trusting all of us with your inmost thoughts and Godly wisdom. You are what I hope to be. Love you, neighbor, Liz

PandaMom said...

To have our lives intersect is a blessing and to watch you live your faith in living color humbles me. You are a rock.

Anonymous said...

I am moved by your journey and how you generously share with your internet followers. There is a book and chapter and a paraphrased quote I'd like to share with you in return: _Healing Into Life and Death_, by Stephen Levine; Chapter 8, "Taking Heart", pp. 77-85. What I got from this is that healing is the movement of awareness, or energy, from an area of greater concentration to a place of lesser concentration. Healing equals a sense of oneness. Your choices suggest to me that your "oneness" is at work...blessings to you...

Liz said...

I've never met you in person, but you have no idea how much I love the person I do know via the internet. Praying for you, friend!

Anonymous said...

Allyson you don't know me but I have been following your blog for a long time now. You always seem to amaze me by your transparency and how well you express your feelings in words, whether it is feeling of joy, sadness, confusion, whatever you always have the right words. I am astonished by your faith and courage and every time I want to write something for u I don't know what to say. Today was no different but after I left your blog I opened the bible app and today's verse was for you, "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not be faint" Isaiah 40:31 may God lead you to the right path to take and open the right doors. Praying for you and your lovely family.

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