Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Bottling It Up

Dear Cowboys,
 
It is quiet in our house tonight.  I am recovering from what is likely the last chemo treatment I will have, and you are spending your Spring Break week in West Texas with your grandparents.  It is nearly too quiet.  Your absence makes it easier for me to get in my much-needed nap time, but honestly, I miss the sounds of you slamming doors, rummaging through the pantry (because you are always hungry!), and shouting up and down the stairs.  It is lonely here without you.
 
I've been doing a lot of thinking, processing, and praying with the three of you at the forefront of my mind and heart over the last few days.  It is exhausting work, being down in the trenches battling it out with God.  He and I don't see eye to eye on a few things, but we certainly agree on this:  You three little cowboys are wonderfully made and deeply loved.
 
Mema has been great over the last few days to send me some pictures and videos so that I can keep up with what you're doing on your vacation, and I don't feel quite so lonely for you.  Indeed, each one makes me smile.  You know what I wish?  I wish that I could bottle up days like today for you.  Days where you chase goats in a brother rodeo and laugh your heads off.  Days where you dare each other to try a little polar swimming, Texas style.  Days where you are carefree and lighthearted.  Days where you are not burdened or hurting.  I want to capture THAT in a bottle, label it, and set it up on a shelf somewhere where it will be safe until the time comes that you might need it again.


I'm afraid that there is such a time that is coming, precious loves.  I can barely stand the very idea of it.  But tonight, in our quiet house, I am asking God to protect your tender hearts for just a while longer.  I am begging him for a little more time--a few more days of goat rodeos and playing outside and being little boys.  And of course, always, asking and believing for the miracle that will let me be the mom I want to be for you.
 
But you know what the real miracle is?  It's that I got to be your mom in the first place.  God could have given you to anyone--but he picked me.  I am the luckiest lady in the whole world.  I love you to the moon and back.
 
Love,
Mom

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Perfectly put Allyson.... love u girl

Colleen said...

Crying and praying...

Colleen

Anonymous said...

Psalm 18:4-19
....I cried to my God for help, from His Temple He heard my voice......He parted the heavens and came down...He reached down from on high and took hold of me, He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy...He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me...I will sing praises to your Name."
Is there something to difficult for you our King? There is nothing to difficult for Jesus Christ...our eyes look up to you O Lord and our hearts wait patiently for you... precious and faithful Father please bring joy to the heart of your beautiful child.

Liz said...

:::tears:::
Praying alongside you, Allyson.

Anonymous said...

I love you deeply.

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welcomecompany said...

I just learned of your blog from Yvonne Landmark. I will be praying for you. You are an inspiration and I am looking forward to reading more of your posts and joining others to lift your family up in prayer. Blessings to you. Danielle

Clint said...

Love you, you are a great mom.

Reckless said...

and they are the luckiest kids to have you for their mom. love you and all your cowboys.

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Anonymous said...

Allyson,
Love you, praying for you and the boys. Feel my hugs, love and prayers today..and always.
H. Potter

Anonymous said...

Please know that you, your precious Cowboys, husband, parents and all those that love you are being lifted up in prayer. May joyful memories continue to be made and abound in your home and the love that you all feel for each other carry you forward in the difficult days ahead. May you all feel the presence of God's love shining down upon you.

Anonymous said...

Isaiah 42:8;
Jeremiah 33:6;
1 Cor. 2:9,10
You are loved by the King!

Praying for you and your family!

Valerie said...

We don't know each other. I stumbled across your blog a couple of years ago when I was finishing up treatments for breast cancer. I love your heart and I'm so inspired by you - as a mom, as a Christ follower, as a writer. You don't hold anything back and I think that's what I admire most about you. I continue to pray for you and your family. Please know that Valerie in Texas is lifting you up to the throne of grace.

Anonymous said...

Sending Hugs & Prayers! Love ya, Nanette

Anonymous said...

You are a fantastic mother! Your children and your husband love you so you are truly blessed.

I love you too! G

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