Here's what's wrong with hospitals in America: any woman smart enough (or dumb enough, depending on your perspective) to get pregnant can wait 9 months, go to a hospital, and give birth to a baby. Then they just send you home with said baby and you are expected to care for, nurture, and raise the child into a self-sufficient, well-rounded, socially adept, law-abiding adult.
Children should come with owner's manuals.
And, based on my experience (particularly the last couple of days), that manual should include chapters on What To Do If Your Child....
1. ...Believes that he is a dog. He transports himself on all fours, he barks, he will not use silverware to get food from his plate to his mouth. He insists that you pet him.
2. ...Refuses to eat anything besides Kraft macaroni & cheese and dry cereal. Period.
3. ...Is traumatized by finding his pet guinea pig dead in her cage.
RIP, Ellie.
4. ...Sets off the fire alarm at church.
5. ...Prefers to sleep on the floor instead of in his own bed. For many nights in a row.
6. ...Asks hard questions about God, heaven, hell, sin, and salvation.
7. ...Thinks potty training is fine for other children, but not for him personally.
Maybe one day I'll write the manual and it will be standard for all new parents. Wish me luck.
all week long!
and
and possibly this:
