Friday, January 17, 2014

Not Forgotten

Life for the past 9 days has been a crazy roller coaster ride.  I alternate between bouts of tears and moments of peace.  I have done my best to balance my  need to be with friends and loved ones with my almost insatiable desire to be alone.  I have read my Bible and I have heaved huge, you-don't-know-what-you're-doing sighs at God.  I have laid in bed and I have gone to Target.

I have also done quite a bit of worrying.

It wasn't too many weeks ago that I told you that my husband had lost his job.  Truth be told, it was a terrible way to end a terrible year...and a terrifying way to begin a new one.

I suppose it goes without saying that we need him to be working.  Insurance alone is absolutely necessary (and crazy expensive).

He is looking.  He has made some contacts, and had a few interviews.  So far, though, nothing too solid or promising has come his way.

We paid the January bills, and then we started crunching numbers.  Every which way we trimmed it, there were more bills than money.

And so I worried.  I despaired.  I fretted.  And yesterday, I threw a pity party for one:  ME.  I sat on my comfy bed in my warm house in my clean, soft pajamas, and I used my computer to read about hospice services.  And I cried.  Goodness, did I cry!  Finally, after a couple of hours, I slammed my laptop shut and I said to God only three words:  "Where. Are. You.?????"

This afternoon, Baby brought in the mail.  He likes to sort it into five piles:  Hubby, Me, Goliath, Little Middle, and his own.  (Today, his and Goliath's piles were empty, but Little Middle scored a hunting magazine!)  When he ran back outside to play, I went through the stacks again.  Bill, bill, W-2, advertisement, sweet card, sweet card, more bills....and an envelope.  Curiosity got the best of me and I opened it.

Inside that ordinary-looking envelope was a check.  Are you sitting down, friend?  It was a check payable to Hubby for the exact amount that we need to make our next mortgage and insurance payments.  THE EXACT AMOUNT.  To the dollar, what we had discussed and agreed that we need.

God was there.  He has been working, even as I have worried.

We are not forgotten.

I collapsed into a chair, and with fresh tears streaming down my cheeks, I called my husband.  I told him, and he simply said, "Praise God."  

Friends, we do not know where the money came from.  All we know is that our very real God met our very real need with a miracle in the mail.

Isn't that just like our Lord?  To show up in an unexpected, unusual way to prove that his promises are 100% true?

So many things remain unknowns in my life.  There are inquiries to be made and caregiver interviews to be conducted.  There are details to be attended to and decisions to be made.  There are unthinkable conversations to be held with my three little cowboys.

But my question from yesterday has been answered :  "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

I still have goose bumps on my arms, and I'm sniffly from crying.  But my heart...oh, my heart is refreshed.  No doubt that could have happened without such a blatant miracle.  I am so incredibly thankful.  Thankful for the miracle in the mail...thankful that I belong to a God who loves and provides...thankful that I am never beyond his reach or outside of his care.

We are not forgotten.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?  Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."  Luke 12:6-7


Liz said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when He orchestrates details like this! Thank you for sharing it!

Anonymous said...

How great is our God!

Kim said...

I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family. I have been reading your blog for about a year. I am also battling ovarian cancer (stage 3c), and I am not doing as well as I hoped. You are an inspiration to me, and I admire your strength. I just wanted to let you know you are a blessing.

Lori said...

Praise God! I'm so thankful He relieved that particular financial worry--and so precisely, too!
I read your blog posts and I want to ask Him "WHY?" I want Him to reach down and heal you instantly--and then I realize that "His thoughts are HIGHER than my thoughts" and though I do not know WHY you are going through this deep valley, I DO know you will be lifted up and that you can stand on His promises! God Bless!

Anonymous said...

He is so faithful!

Anonymous said...

That is simply amazing..thank you God for bring this need!

Carolyn June said...

Even in the valley, God is good. Praise His Name!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this story. I just happened to be scrolling through FB and a friend had shared the link. We found out a week ago that my husband lost his job and I have been on the same roller coaster as you described. I know that God has a plan for our future and this story just reminds me to continue to keep my faith that everything will be okay.

Anonymous said...

Saying prayers of thanks for your sign that God is with you. I wish many more blessings for you and your family. With prayers,

celakindle said...

Wow!! Such a powerful story. He never leaves us. Always the provider. I know your husband will find a job and God will have a hand in it too. God Bless your family. Kim I'll be praying for you too.

Anonymous said...

What does your husband do? You have a pretty powerful network of support here, it seems like one of your readers may be able to help your husband find work.

ecbernhard said...

That was my thought exactly. I don't know you, but your story has touched me deeply. I have gone down this road you are on with one of my best friends. I have cried for you and prayed for you just as I did for her. What does your husband do for a living? There are people who will want to help and who can if they know what he is looking for. Praying for you daily!

Amy said...

I came to visit your blog today because of a comment on my blog of a woman who is praying for you. Tears are running down my face, because you remind me so much of my friend, Linda. Thank you for sharing your journey and revealing the beauty hidden in the pain. In His great Love, Amy

Anonymous said...

Please post what your husband does for a living. If I can help, I would like to and my company is hiring like mad.

Anonymous said...

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