Life for the past 9 days has been a crazy roller coaster ride. I alternate between bouts of tears and moments of peace. I have done my best to balance my need to be with friends and loved ones with my almost insatiable desire to be alone. I have read my Bible and I have heaved huge, you-don't-know-what-you're-doing sighs at God. I have laid in bed and I have gone to Target.
I have also done quite a bit of worrying.
It wasn't too many weeks ago that I told you that my husband had lost his job. Truth be told, it was a terrible way to end a terrible year...and a terrifying way to begin a new one.
I suppose it goes without saying that we need him to be working. Insurance alone is absolutely necessary (and crazy expensive).
He is looking. He has made some contacts, and had a few interviews. So far, though, nothing too solid or promising has come his way.
We paid the January bills, and then we started crunching numbers. Every which way we trimmed it, there were more bills than money.
And so I worried. I despaired. I fretted. And yesterday, I threw a pity party for one: ME. I sat on my comfy bed in my warm house in my clean, soft pajamas, and I used my computer to read about hospice services. And I cried. Goodness, did I cry! Finally, after a couple of hours, I slammed my laptop shut and I said to God only three words: "Where. Are. You.?????"
This afternoon, Baby brought in the mail. He likes to sort it into five piles: Hubby, Me, Goliath, Little Middle, and his own. (Today, his and Goliath's piles were empty, but Little Middle scored a hunting magazine!) When he ran back outside to play, I went through the stacks again. Bill, bill, W-2, advertisement, sweet card, sweet card, more bills....and an envelope. Curiosity got the best of me and I opened it.
Inside that ordinary-looking envelope was a check. Are you sitting down, friend? It was a check payable to Hubby for the exact amount that we need to make our next mortgage and insurance payments. THE EXACT AMOUNT. To the dollar, what we had discussed and agreed that we need.
God was there. He has been working, even as I have worried.
We are not forgotten.
I collapsed into a chair, and with fresh tears streaming down my cheeks, I called my husband. I told him, and he simply said, "Praise God."
Friends, we do not know where the money came from. All we know is that our very real God met our very real need with a miracle in the mail.
Isn't that just like our Lord? To show up in an unexpected, unusual way to prove that his promises are 100% true?
So many things remain unknowns in my life. There are inquiries to be made and caregiver interviews to be conducted. There are details to be attended to and decisions to be made. There are unthinkable conversations to be held with my three little cowboys.
But my question from yesterday has been answered : "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)
I still have goose bumps on my arms, and I'm sniffly from crying. But my heart...oh, my heart is refreshed. No doubt that could have happened without such a blatant miracle. I am so incredibly thankful. Thankful for the miracle in the mail...thankful that I belong to a God who loves and provides...thankful that I am never beyond his reach or outside of his care.
We are not forgotten.
"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:6-7