Update from the family

While we are scared to be messing with the blog, my wife's outlet for all purposes, I felt it necessary as I want the world to know what God has done.

The surgery was a great success. The doctor informed us that he was unable to locate any further Cancer, and that there was no evidence of any spreading. This is I believe a great miracle from God, and I can do nothing but praise him for this. He did multiple biopsies and we will not have the results until the end of next week, but until then, my faith is strong that we will once again have the response we have asked God for.
How can we ever thank so many who have prayed and provided for us? The Prayers, gifts, calls, and unbelievable outpouring of love have humbled us and blessed us beyond anything I would have ever imagined. I have never witnessed the spirit of God move so much in my own life, there is evidence of it in my every footstep. I thank God for my wonderful wife, and I thank him for the wonderful friends and family that are so faithful to us. I wrote a poem that I would like to add to this post for everyone to read. I just want the world to know how awesome my wife is, how proud of her I am, and how much I thank God each day for her!
Thank you all once more... hubby....

There is a Tree in my life
when I found her she was the answer to my prayers
the fruit I had tasted had left me empty, lacking in so many ways
but the fruit she provided replenished me, it healed my wounds
falling down, lacking in faith she is always there for me to lean against
she has fruit and strength for more than me,
ever faithful, ever enduring
ever loving she strengthens us all
when I waver, when confusion surrounds me
she is there standing firm and her branches point the way
there is nothing my tree cannot do,
multitudes seek out her wisdom
only I can see what I wish to say
how much she means, how amazing she is
who can ever be like her? she is the tree of the ages, blessed by God as she blesses others with her resolve, with her ever enduring faith
she carries the thorn for us all
yet she stands firm, and my tears provide the nourishment she now needs
Love is when another’s happiness is essential to your own
and I am broken

What Tomorrow Holds

You've heard the old saying, "I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow"? Truth is, I don't know what tomorrow holds. It is Surgery 2 day. It will be long and filled with unknowns. It will be a sterile operating room and a small waiting room filled with anxious loved ones. It will be friends and family waiting for news and it will be me, asking for a miracle.

Where will God be tomorrow? He will be in every aspect of my day. He will be with my medical team and in the surgeon's hands. He will sit with my husband and our parents in the waiting room. He will go with me into surgery, and cover me with love and grace no matter what the outcome.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

I love this song--"Uncreated One" by Chris Tomlin (so sorry that I don't know how to post a video except to link to it). The refrain is my prayer for tomorrow and the days that follow:

O Great God, be glorified

Our lives laid down

Yours magnified

O Great God, be lifted high

There is none like you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE_yTzv4-RU

One more thing before tomorrow: THANK YOU. You know who you are. You have prepared meals and fed my family. You have been to the grocery store for diapers and dog food. You've brought books and magazines to help pass the long hours in bed. You have made phone calls and sent e-mails and written cards. And most of all, you have prayed. Words are inadequate to describe the great outpouring of love we have experienced these last few weeks. Our church family, our friends, our family, and people we don't even know...thank you for ministering to us. We continue to ask for your prayers and anticipate a time that we witness God's answer!

First Day of Kindergarten

Today opened a new chapter in Goliath's life as he ventured off to school for the first time.

He was excited! He didn't seem nervous or anxious at all. The whole family went together to drop him off, and for once the little brothers were seen more than they were heard.

Goliath worked hard yesterday on a drawing for his new teacher. He colored a firetruck for her, then folded it up and put it in an envelope with her name carefully written on the outside. He carried it in his new backpack and gave it to Ms. L first thing. She properly admired his talent and welcomed him to kindergarten!

He took his seat at his little desk and went to work on a raccoon picture. He barely glanced up and mumbled "I love you, too" when we left. He came home with a backpack full of papers and an hour's worth of stories--who he played with, what books they read, and best of all: he wants to go back tomorrow.

End of Summer

Today was the first day of school, which will be a whole separate post. In the spirit of the end of summer, here are some random summertime pictures of the good times we've had. Enjoy!

Happy Father's Day!

Hangin' at the pool with our friends

Little Middle at the water park

Baby at the water park

The Star Wars exhibit at the museum

Look what I can do!

Cool Baby

Playing in the sandbox

Something to Be Thankful For

I was going to post about the events of yesterday, which included telling my children that their Mommy has cancer. But TODAY...I have something to be thankful for and it seems much more cheerful to share that instead. So....

Goliath starts kindergarten on Monday. No child in the history of the world has been better prepared for kindergarten: we've talked about it until he probably wants to skip it entirely. We draw pictures (hanging on the kitchen wall), we play at the school playground, and we even wrote a song. The time is finally here!!! I have prayed for Goliath's kindergarten teacher for a while, asking God to send the perfect person to meet his needs and make this all-important year a fantastic experience. Today, we met that person and I believe God answered prayer. We went to "Stop & Drop" at the school. The idea is to drop off your school supplies and stop to meet your teacher. His classroom is PERFECT for him--everything I imagined it would be. His whole face lit up to see his name on the bulletin board, labeling his locker (which I didn't have until the 5th grade), and identifying his very own desk! He loved the blocks, the books, the helper chart, and even the big tree in the corner. Ms. L talked to him exactly at his level, made him feel welcome, and we left there "just a little scared but lots of excited" about our new adventure.

This mama is so grateful to serve a God who cares about kindergarten!

Job

Hubby and I were reading the Bible last night, sort of randomly (do you ever do that? Just flip through and wait for God to throw something at you?). In my flipping, I ended up in the book of Job (appropriate, huh?). Job 33 tells of Job's friend Elihu offering "advice." Some friend. What struck me was not so much the verses I read, but the commentary about them in my trusty NIV Life Application Study Bible. It says this:

"Being informed brings a sense of security. It's natural to want to know what's happening in our lives. Job wanted to know what was going on, why he was suffering. In previous chapters, we sense his frustration. Elihu claimed to have the answer for Job's biggest question, "Why doesn't God tell me what is happening?" Elihu told Job that God was trying to answer him, but he was not listening. Elihu misjudged God on this point. If God were to answer all our questions, we would not be adequately tested. What if God had said, "Job, Satan's going to test you and afflict you, but in the end you'll be healed and get everything back?" Job's greatest test was not the pain, but that he did not know WHY he was suffering. Our greatest test may be that we must trust God's goodness even though we don't understand why our lives are going a certain way. We must learn to trust in GOD who is good and not in the goodness of life."

I want to trust the goodness of God, and know that at the end of the day, He is still sovereign. I want to rest peacefully, assured that He is taking care of things even if it doesn't seem that way. I want to have huge faith and live this life in such a way that I only point to Him.

Surgery 2 will be on August 30. Please pray that the next few days will be time well spent with those I love most!

No Mistakes

I wish I could say I wrote this, but I didn't. My grandmother--a great lady and one of my best friends--sent this to me via e-mail. It spells out my heart and is worth sharing.

My Father's way may twist and turn,
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I'm glad I know,
He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But still I'll trust my Lord to lead
For He doth know the way.

Though night be dark and it may seem
That day will never break;
I'll pin my faith, my all in Him,
He maketh no mistake.

There is so much now I cannot see
My eyesight is far too dim;
But come what may, I'll simply trust
And leave it all to Him.

For by and by the mist will lift
and plain it all He'll make
Through all the way, though dark to me,
He made not one mistake.

Diagnosis

August 7 has come and gone, and I am resting at home. When the doctor said I would need to take it easy for a while, she wasn't kidding! I am 8 days out, and still unable to drive a car, load the washing machine, or pick up Baby. Each day is a little bit easier, and full recovery is in sight.

Or was. After I had surgery last Tuesday, the doctor made her rounds to my room on Thursday morning. My mom was with me at the time (she and Hubby were taking turns sitting with me and staying with the kids), and we heard only 6 words: "I have bad news. It's cancer."

It was like watching a movie in slow motion--I remember thinking that surely the lab had mixed up results (similar to how the nurse had mixed up room numbers the day before and had tried to deliver a newborn baby to me for nursing!!!). Now, nearly a week later, I still feel like that: this MUST be someone else's life.

I saw a gynecologic oncologist this morning. He is listed on D Magazine's top gyn-onc list and comes highly recommended by my own doctor. We liked him fine, but he sure wasn't the down-home, how're-the-kids-doing, come-by-and-say-hi type we are used to! He had received and reviewed the final pathology report from last week's surgery. In discussing my "case," which by the way, seems to be very interesting to the local medical community, he admitted that it's not at all black and white. The cancer seems to be "middle of the road"--not the worst type, not the best. The pathology showed the tumor had spread to my bladder, but they don't know how aggressive or to what degree. The only way to find that out is through another surgery, which will take place 2 weeks from now (just DAYS after Goliath starts kindergarten). After the operation he will know exactly what is going on and how best to treat it.

If there was ever a time I could identify with Job, it is now! I absolutely can not wrap my mind around what God could possibly be thinking in allowing me to have cancer. I am comforted in knowing that "Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9). It is so hard not to worry, though--especially about the precious boys God gave me to raise. What I want most in these next few weeks is normalcy. The ability to run my household, play with my kids, and do all the other things that make my life what it is. I do NOT--WILL NOT--want to be defined by this sickness or let it change the kind of wife or mother I desire to be.

As I travel farther down this road, I will do my best to keep up with blogging with the hopes that my journey will be helpful to someone else. In the meantime, thanks for reading and for praying.