At the Heart of the Matter

At bedtime...

Baby: Mommy, I am worried about you.

Me: What are you worried about?

Baby: I am worried that you don't feel good.

Me: Baby, Mommy is fine right now. Do you mean you are worried that I will get sick again?

Baby: Yes. I feel sad about that, Mom.

This is just one of the things that burdens my heart right now. But it is by far the heaviest: the fear that follows us--even the smallest of us--everywhere we go.

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will the enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God." Psalm 13:2-3

Baby-isms

Goliath: "Why are you drinking water with your breakfast, Baby?"
Baby: "Because it's healthy for me. You know what else is healthy for me?"
Goliath: "What?"
Baby: "Pepperoni."

Baby: "Daddy is my buddy."
Me: "That's great! What am I?"
Baby: "You are my minion."

Baby: "Mommy, you know I am having a lot of problems today."
Me: "No...what kind of problems?"
Baby: "Like finger problems and toe problems."

Baby (expressing frustration to himself while playing Super Mario Brothers on the Wii): "I can't believe I only have 64 free men! But thank God I got the freeze balls!"

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Dear Baby,

You are five today! Although I am excited for you, this birthday has been bittersweet for me. Turning five is a big deal, because now you are really a big boy. Any traces of that beautiful baby with the perfectly round head have been replaced by a high-energy, fun-loving, super-funny boy.

Eight days ago, you lost your first tooth. You had made no mention of it being loose, so I sure was surprised when I picked you up from your class at church and your teachers handed me a tiny package containing what I'm certain is The World's Smallest Tooth! You were pretty proud of yourself, and you were thrilled with the dollar bill the Tooth Fairy left under your pillow. You won't know until you read this letter someday that as she flew by my bedroom on her way to yours, the Tooth Fairy probably heard me crying over that tiny tooth.

You also won't know that I cried very early this morning while I was making monkey bread for your birthday breakfast. (You broke the family birthday muffin tradition this year. Someday you'll need to tell Nana that you're sorry.) I cried tears of sorrow, because the more you grow up, the more independent you are...and the less you need me. I cried tears of joy, simply because that's what you bring to my life and to our family.

Without a doubt, this year has been the hardest one of my life. Cancer reared its ugly head again, and I have spent the last nine months undergoing treatments. It has been horrible for all of us. How I pray you don't remember it when you grow up! God has given me amazing friends, but there have been days when no words from them could cheer or encourage me. On those days, there was you. You might rush in for a quick kiss and be gone, or you might climb in bed and snuggle for a while. Either way, no words were needed. I have found tremendous comfort and peace just by being with you.

You never seem to be upset at being left while I go to the doctor, nor do you ask too many questions. You are just content to be, and you act as if whatever I say is perfectly fine with you, thank you very much. I will never, ever forget the day I told you and your brother that I would lose my hair during chemotherapy. He was worried and tearful, but you simply put your hand on your little hip and said, "Little Middle, it is going to be OK, because God will take care of Mommy." Such wisdom for such a little guy!

Of course, it isn't all gloom and doom around here. No, not while you're around! Case in point: After church last week, I was explaining to Little Middle something from his Sunday School lesson. I ended my explanation by telling him, "Everything we have comes from God." You piped up from the backseat, "And Santa!"

One morning I asked you to get yourself dressed. You said, "Mommy, I have to wear pants, right?"

And one of my favorite Baby quotes: "I have three words to say! Can you get me some Cocoa Krispies with no milk?"

Gosh, you're funny.

I guess it's because you're my youngest that I feel the passage of time so acutely. I am torn; part of me can't wait to see what you're going to do and become, part of me wants to slow time way down so I can soak in every second of this season of your life, knowing that I will never experience it again. I want to remember how you love to drink with a crazy straw, but rarely want milk in your cereal...how you concentrate so hard when you play Angry Birds on Daddy's iPhone, and how you can beat levels he can't even get to...how your feelings get hurt when Goliath and Little Middle leave you out, but how it's easy to see how much you love them (and they love you). I never want to forget how adorable you look in your Wranglers and boots, how you laugh so hard you snort when I tickle you, and how you smile first thing when I wake you up in the mornings. I want to freeze the images I have in my head of you being the cutest ring bearer EVER in your aunt's and uncle's weddings this year, and how you barely managed to tolerate that little flower girl. I want to remember you building Legos with your brothers, playing Star Wars with your friends, demanding macaroni and cheese every Tuesday, the goofy faces you make every time you get your picture taken, and the way you say "I love you."

Baby, I know that every life is precious, but God sure had a special plan when He thought of you. He knew that I would need you just as much--or maybe more?--than you would need me. I am so thankful that I got to be your mommy! In five short years, you've given Daddy and me so much joy, and without even knowing it, you remind us that God is always in control of all things.

Yes, you're a big boy, well on your way to big things. But make no mistake: you'll always be my baby.

Happy Birthday, darling boy.

Love,

Mommy

Frog Baby

Preschool is back in session! Baby and I have both enjoyed our time alone since the two big boys went back to school a few weeks ago, but we were both just as ready to get back to our beloved preschool. My boy is a Frog this year--at the top of the preschool food chain. It is so hard for me to believe that next year I will send him to elementary school with his brothers!

So handsome on his last first day of preschool!

Baby and his pal B. They have moved up through the program together, and are the best of friends. I was feeling a little nostalgic, so I pulled out this picture of the two of them from a couple of years ago. They were, and still are, so very cute!

I have been blessed to be able to return to preschool as a teacher. My great friend Shannon (B's mommy!) and I have a class of the most darling 3-year-olds you ever did see. I love, love, LOVE my job, and I love it that I get to be close to my boy during the day.

Baby and Mommy goofing around before class.

Baby has three of the most spectacular teachers for his final year of preschool, who also happen to be a few of my great friends. We are looking forward to a fun year with Ms. Maureen, Ms. Michelle, and Ms. Dee!

Bad Mommy

Once upon a time there was a mommy who had three little cowboys. On a beautiful fall day, the mommy's Baby cowboy had a birthday! He turned four years old. He was very strong, very smart, and very, very special. The mommy knew that her smallest cowboy would need shots to keep him healthy and strong, but it was cold and flu season and she wanted to protect him from the germs in the doctor's office. The mommy chose instead to keep him at home and make huge leaf piles for them to jump in.

Fall turned to winter, winter to spring, and spring to summer. At the end of the summer, the mommy received an e-mail that said, in a nutshell, "We are so glad you have enrolled your cute little cowboy in our preschool. Unfortunately, his immunization records are incomplete and he will not be allowed in the doors if you don't take care of it asap."

The mommy knew exactly what to do: she panicked. Then she made a panicky phone call to the pediatrician's office and made an appointment for very early the next morning.

The mommy took her little cowboy to see the doctor . The doctor was pleased with how much he had grown since his last visit and said that he was very healthy and smart. Then it was time for the shots. The mommy laid down on top of her Baby while two nurses gave him four shots in his little legs. While she felt grateful that he would not get polio or chicken pox later in life, she looked into his tear-filled eyes and felt her heart hurt.

The mommy also felt very guilty about taking her Baby cowboy for his four-year-old well check just 69 days short of his 5th birthday. To assuage her guilt, she and the small cowboy shared breakfast at the local donut shop before they dropped the updated shot records off at the preschool office.

The End

Ring Bearer

Me: Baby, Aunt Jenny got her wedding ring so you can carry it at her wedding when you are the ring bearer!

Baby: I don't want to be the ring bearer. I won't go to that wedding!

Me: Why don't you want to be the ring bearer?

Baby: Because we don't have a bear costume.

Me: (Hysterical laughter)

Baby: But we have a penguin costume, Mommy.

Wordless Wednesday

First Snow of the Season

We don't dare dream of a white Christmas in Texas, but that's what we got (albeit a few weeks early) yesterday morning! The big boys still had to go to school, but I managed to get a few shots of our littlest snow bunny.

Here he is enjoying the change in the weather...

...and licking snow off of the trampoline:

What can I say? Boys will be boys.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Dear Baby,

Today we celebrated your fourth birthday. What a fun year we've had with you! This has been a year of many "firsts" for you: your first dentist visit, your first trip to the lease with Daddy, and your first time to sing in big church. You are a big boy...my baby is not a baby anymore!

You hear the words "I love you" a LOT from Daddy and me, but today seems like a good time to tell you WHY I love you so much. I love you because you sometimes still let me hold you, and when I pick you up, you lay your head on my shoulder and pat my back, as if I'm the one who needs to be comforted (sometimes I am). I love you because every night when we put you to bed, you refuse to be covered up, but when I come back later to check on you, you are lying flat on your back with the covers pulled up to your chin. I love you because you have an uncanny resemblance to Charlie Brown from Peanuts. I love you because you can spell your name and the words "family" and "boots." I love you because you love to play "Crack the Egg" on the trampoline with me, and it doesn't bother you at all that you, as the egg, are easily cracked. I love you because you have a little speech issue--R, L, S, and a few others letter sounds are problematic--but the way you talk is so adorable, I don't much care if it ever gets fixed. I love you because you are a computer whiz and can navigate your way through the internet to get to your games. I love you because you always hold my hand in the parking lot, because you like to help me clean the bathroom and sort the laundry, and because you ask me every single night where we are going the next day. I love you because of your crazy love affair with macaroni and cheese. Although slightly frustrating, your devotion to this food item is admirable and funny. I love you because you are easy-going and fun to be with, and because you make me feel like I'm doing a good job being your mommy.

I love you because you make me laugh. Oh, how you make me laugh! Just this morning, I was looking through some old pictures. You walked by, casually looked over my shoulder, and said, "I recognize that girl. She's my mom." Then you walked away.

This year we sent Little Middle off to kindergarten. I worried that you would be lonely and bored without your brothers around. It is, after all, the first time in your entire life that you've gotten one-on-one with me for any period of time. Turns out I worried needlessly. I have been reminded these past few months why I chose to be a stay-at-home mom in the first place--so I could have time like we've had and moments like those that we've shared. I wouldn't trade these sweet days with you for anything in the world!

Precious boy, your mommy loves you. You are a living, breathing testimony to the faithfulness and mercy of our God. Every day with you is a grand adventure and a great gift. Surely I am the most blessed mommy in the world, because you are mine.

Happy Birthday, Heart Boy.

Love,


Mommy

Cute

Me: Little Middle, you are so cute! You are the cutest 5-year-old I have ever known.

Baby (with hands on hips): Mommy! I AM THE CUTE ONE!

The Peapod Goes to Preschool

Baby is a Peapod! He had his first day back at preschool yesterday. We are thrilled that his teachers from last year moved up with him--he LOVES Ms. Renee and Ms. Gloria! A few of his best pals are in his class, as well as some new friends. We are looking forward to a great year!

Art Show 2009

Every spring our preschool puts on an art show. The little ones create original works of art in all sorts of mediums, which is then proudly put on display for parents and grandparents to come admire.

Art Show 2009 debuted on Friday with the theme "All Things Bright and Beautiful." Here are just a few shots taken by a proud mom:

"Plunger and PVC Pipe Print in Tempera" by Little Middle

"Still Life Watercolor" by Little Middle

In case you can't decipher this masterpiece, it is an interpretive painting of this:

Group project by Little Middle and Friends

Another group project...the Penguin Flag!

"Torn Paper Snowman" by Baby

"Tissue Paper Rainbow" by Baby

"Fingerpainting Masterpiece" by Baby

What a Weekend!

We spent the weekend at my in-laws' place in Abilene. There is so much to do there, and the boys love going! Here's the rundown of how we spent our West Texas Weekend:

Off to a good start by watching movies in the car

Fishing at the pond

Playing with the bait

Goliath was fishing for bass, but caught this HUGE catfish instead.

It was 28 inches long and weighed 10 pounds!

Goliath also caught this nice-sized fish!

While Goliath was busy cleaning his catch, Little Middle and Baby
had fun playing with the puppies...

and kept a wary eye out while visiting the pigeon house.

Just like their dad, all of my boys love horses. On Sunday afternoon we saddled up Blaze and they took turns riding. Aren't they good-looking horsemen?

Goliath was riding out in the pasture when our weekend suddenly took a downward turn--literally--when he fell off of the horse. To be accurate, he slid off when the horse walked under some trees. Goliath ducked to avoid the branches, but couldn't get low enough fast enough. The mesquite branches actually brushed him right off of Blaze's back, and as he says, "The horse just kept on walking!"

We rushed to the emergency room...

...where we learned that a pitiful-looking mini-cowboy who screams really loud during X-rays can earn the sympathy of a few nurses and get his chart moved to the ER "fast track."

The X-rays showed that Goliath's wrist was broken, as well as the bones in his forearm were out of place. The ER doc summoned the on-call orthopedic doc, who explained that he would have to manipulate the bones to get them back in place--a procedure that would need to take place in the operating room. For obvious reasons, he wanted Goliath to have full anesthesia so he could neither feel nor remember anything that would happen!


This is my brave boy getting ready to be wheeled into surgery. Explaining to him why we couldn't go with him was really hard--look close and you can see the tear stains on his cheeks!

Post-op Goliath

He ended up having a tough time fully shaking off the effects of the anesthesia, so he spent the night on the pediatric floor of the hospital for observation. I slept on a chair in his room, and we both were awakened every 90 minutes by a nurse checking his vitals, doing breathing checks, etc. At about 4:00 in the morning, after one such check, I got up to turn off all the lights. I was sure he had gone right back to sleep, but I heard his little voice in the darkness say, "I didn't expect it to turn out like this, Mommy."

Neither did I, buddy.

The next morning, Hubby brought the brothers and some McDonald's breakfast for all of us to share before Goliath was discharged. He now has a fiberglass splint that reaches from his fingers almost to his shoulder. His arm is wrapped up in bandages and he is wearing a sling to keep it "still" (yeah, right!). He will get a regular cast in a few days after the swelling has had time to go down.

As soon as we left the hospital, we packed up the car and made a beeline for home. I'm all for adventure, but this weekend was a little more excitement than any of us bargained for. Thing is, with 3 little cowboys, I doubt this will be the last time that family fun becomes a medical mishap! As one ER nurse said, "This is par for the course for a boy mom."

Playdate Extraordinaire

Yesterday Little Middle and Baby had a playdate extraordinaire! The two boys and five of their friends played and picnicked at the park. And yes, they're wearing shorts in February. Gotta love Texas!

The Gang

The "big" kids enjoying pb&j

The "little" kids

And the Picture of the Day:

This is Michelle's shoulder.

Why is it that my friends are always managing to get pooped on by birds? Remember this?

(Sorry for laughing so much, Michelle!)

At the end of the day, the boys were tired and filthy, but very happy. Little Middle and Baby--and their mama--REALLY love their friends!