My sister is getting married tomorrow. She is happy, and I could not be happier for her.
But tonight I cried.
We got our nails done. We went to the bridal luncheon. We had the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. She absolutely glows with excitement and happiness. I am thrilled for her!
But I still cried. I cried because I am tired. I cried because things will never be quite the same and I hate change...even the good kind. I cried because I remember the night before my own wedding day, and I wish I would try harder to recapture that feeling. I cried because my eyelashes are falling out, courtesy of chemotherapy. Because everyone keeps saying how much Jenny and I look alike, and I'm proud because I know it is true. Because I want to be healthy and whole, but I'm afraid that might never happen. Because not everyone has what I have, and I am grateful. Because my heart is full of love, and hurt, and longing, and more love.
When I wake up tomorrow, it will be Jenny's wedding day. I know I will never forget tomorrow...but I don't want to forget tonight, either.
But tonight I cried.
We got our nails done. We went to the bridal luncheon. We had the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. She absolutely glows with excitement and happiness. I am thrilled for her!
But I still cried. I cried because I am tired. I cried because things will never be quite the same and I hate change...even the good kind. I cried because I remember the night before my own wedding day, and I wish I would try harder to recapture that feeling. I cried because my eyelashes are falling out, courtesy of chemotherapy. Because everyone keeps saying how much Jenny and I look alike, and I'm proud because I know it is true. Because I want to be healthy and whole, but I'm afraid that might never happen. Because not everyone has what I have, and I am grateful. Because my heart is full of love, and hurt, and longing, and more love.
When I wake up tomorrow, it will be Jenny's wedding day. I know I will never forget tomorrow...but I don't want to forget tonight, either.
Praying for you! God's mercies are new every day!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of both of my daughters. And so thankful that you are both sheltered in God's loving arms.
ReplyDeleteOh, I hurt for you. I am so sorry you have to go through this. The good thing is you are almost done with that bad old chemo stuff. Hang in there and know that I still pray for you.
ReplyDeleteI know the wedding must have been beautiful - hopefully you can get some rest now.
Oh sweet one, I continue to lift you up to our Heavenly Father for comfort, peace, and healing.
ReplyDelete